But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Two words: nipple clamps
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