While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
