we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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