I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
