I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
