drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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