Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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