you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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