I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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