there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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