I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
