Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
youre lurking in front of me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
