I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
