I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
