it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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