i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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