Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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