shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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