Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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