A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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