evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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