Dual....:-)
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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