just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
