Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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