pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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