I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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