jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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