I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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