Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So much rum. So many feels.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
