I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
