Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
