Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
