it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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