You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
