with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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