How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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