You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
