Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
