I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
