you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
