"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
