Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
