dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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