That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
