I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
