How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
