Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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