Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
