Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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