My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
