Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
