My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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