Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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