when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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