Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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