i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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