My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
