dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
