so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
