I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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