We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
