Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
soo... how was my night?
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