shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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