He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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