Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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