Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
