he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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