So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
