Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
