i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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