It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize