Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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