I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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