actually, I'm a sock model
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
never play flip cup with pint glasses
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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