brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
