Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize