I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
