after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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