i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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