Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
